Have you ever had a guy or girl treat you with such disrespect that you stopped answering his or her calls, emails and texts? Or have you found that person’s behavior so reprehensible and hurtful that you asked him or her not to contact you anymore? Have you also had that same person send you a nasty text, voicemail or email telling you what a horrible person you are and that you deserve to be alone?
My daughters and I refer to these people as fuckwits? Or FWs to be polite. Recently, my daughter Federica’s friend, Melinda, got such a message from a guy who she was seeing casually. They had been friends before and had become friends with benefits. She went out of town, home to see her family for a couple of months and upon her return, asked him for a ride from the airport.
His response was shocking, “You are so demanding and such a diva to expect me to pick you up. I thought we understood each other, but I guess you have crazy expectations. I don’t have time for this shit.” Couldn’t he just have said he was busy?
Melinda recoiled in pain wondering why he would need to be so cruel. She called Federica who called me. I explained to her, “Upon your return he wanted to be sure you had no expectations in the relationship. Of course, he handled it like a stronzo. There was absolutely no need for this kind of cruelty. If he doesn’t call to apologize soon, forget him.”
A couple days later, Mr. FW asked if he could come over that evening. Melinda, thinking she would give him a chance to apologize said yes. After all they had been friends first. Around 5pm, Melinda texts him asking when he planned to stop by and he said he was busy and didn’t have time. In fact, he was quite flippant about it. Melinda decided to heed my advice and forget him.
Mr. FW left a few messages that Melinda ignored. Finally, annoyed that she didn’t decide to jump with joy and respond after he behaved so disrespectfully, he left the following text message, “I left you some messages that you have ignored. Thank you for making it clear that we are not friends. I am so glad I bothered to ever be nice to you.” I’m sorry, did Mr. FW think his recent behavior was nice? Did he honestly think he deserved a response? No, of course not. The fact that he lashed out at her proved that he knew he had been uno stronzo. It gets better… or rather worse. In a last ditch attempt to make amends for his callous behavior, he texted her, “happy birthday” on her birthday. The next day, having gotten no response, he sent the following text, “You are a piece of shit who was alone and will always be alone. You had better change your ways because you are going to end up alone the rest of your life!”
Wow! That will really get her to say thank you! Thank you to fuck off, maybe. Last time I checked, there is no requirement to answer happy birthday wishes, especially not in the first 24 hours!! Melinda called me quite upset. She was so upset that she was ready to pack her bags and go home for good. I told her not to let one fuckwit ruin her life. He is lashing out and probably should have been texting himself while looking in the mirror. This is how he feels about himself because she rejected his feeble attempts to make amends for his disrespectful acts. She does not owe him anything but respect and friendship, which she gave him until he proved unworthy of both. Still you took the high ground and chose not to engage in a text war of insults. You simply walked away with your head held high. He couldn’t stand the fact that she was not at his beck and call. So he decided to punish you with insults because he felt you were punishing him. Truthfully, he was simply stating his own fears about himself, that he is a piece of shit who will always be alone because he does not deserve to be loved. And frankly, with his current behavior, I would have to agree.
Melinda asked, “Do you think he is on drugs. He has had a problem in his past.” It’s possible, but I don’t wish to let him off the hook that way. Drugs or no drugs, he was cruel unnecessarily. It is especially foolish and insensitive given that Melinda and Federica have friends in common with this FW. Federica wanted to slap him in the face for his behavior. Instead, she gave him a slap in the face by showing the texts to FW’s former roommate and her dear friend. He was shocked and appalled. He did not take the usual, all guys stick together tack. Instead, he said that his opinion of him had been lowered.
So Mr. FW has not only lost a friend in Melinda, he has also lost respect with Federica and his former roommate. I am sure that this is not the last time he will behave so foolishly, and if so, he will truly end up alone. Perhaps he should look in the mirror and change his own ways.