Beauty is a blessing and an asset, but sometimes it can be a liability. I’ve noticed that in today’s superficial, beauty obsessed society, beauty has more importance than intelligence, class, grace, compassion and talent. Just look around at all the “It Girls” with K’s in their first names and socialites who have no talent and less intelligence, making money hand over fist because they are beautiful and in some cases, mean. The beautiful bitch is celebrated in our society and it causes people to misplace their priorities and sense of proportion.
Frank Sr. used to say that a woman who was “too beautiful” was too much work. What he meant by that is that they are unreasonably demanding because they are used to getting their way and getting things easily. This is true for men as well. What they don’t realize is that with time and age, external beauty fades, but ugly inside is forever. If you allow the beast inside you to grow unchecked, over time, your external beauty fades away and the internal ugly is all that remains.
My daughter Francesca just had a situation with one such bestial beauty. Francesca is a newly wed and quite happy. For the most part, she really enjoys her husband’s friends. About a year ago, she became friends with one such girl, Sofia. Sofia, a stunning model, seemed to be bubbly, warm hearted and generous. She and Francesca became friends one rainy afternoon when Francesca came over for brunch. They cooked together, sipped bellinis and laughed for hours. More than any other friend of her husband, Sofia, was welcomed as a part of their lives. They often went out, the three of them together. Francesca listend to Sofia’s man woes and offered her best impression of me as advisor and shoulder to cry on. Francesca helped her with some of the professional aspects of her job, and even helped her book a lucrative commercial by calling the commercial’s producers and clients. Sofia was reciprocal in her generosity by paying for dinner and other nice little thoughtful gifts.
Francesca had been hanging out with Sofia and another friend, Blanca. Blanca and Francesca knew each other for many years. Blanca was also a young model, doing quite well for someone just getting started. Francesca had also helped Blanca get her first job, a small job, but nonetheless, a good first step. Blanca was always reliably there to watch Francesca’s cats or help out in other ways. Although she is much younger than Francesca, she always seemed to be mature beyond her years.
Francesca organized a girls’ night in with Sofia and Blanca, dinner and a movie at home on a Saturday night. Francesca calls Saturday, “Amateur night” and prefers to go to dinner or see a movie rather than prowl the town. Francesca is not a club hopper or a party girl. She prefers good company to trendy atmosphere and would rather go to the opera than a night club. She goes to clubs for special occasions or for work, but generally finds them to be ridiculous, overcrowded, a most recently found herself caught in the middle, hiding behind a post when a fight broke out between two drunk idiots. Glass and liquor were flying, as were the punches. I could tell she’s not anxious to return to a club anytime soon.
The Friday night before girls’ night, Sofia decided she would rather go clubbing on Saturday night, “We’re comped at the hottest club in town!” Francesca said she’d prefer to stay home. “Your husband has robbed you of your party side,” Sofia quipped. Francesca wondered how she could make this comment since Sofia never knew her before she met her husband, and if she actually knew Francesca, she would know that no man would change Francesca into a boring, no fun, wallflower. Francesca knows exactly who she is and has no need to prove it to anyone.
Francesca ignored the slight and told Sofia to go have fun, no big deal. Sofia asked about Blanca and Francesca told her to ask Blanca, that she would not be offended one way or the other. The next morning, Blanca texted Francesca wanting to know if Francesca planned to go to the club. Francesco told Blanca she would rather stay in and see the film however, Blanca was welcome to join Sofia. Blanca preferred a quiet night with Francesca over the club as well.
A few hours later, Sofia texted Francesca, and Francesca met Sofia’s inner beast. Sofia asked rather accusingly, “What did you say to Blanca?” Francesca replied with the facts. Sofia became incensed. “She is such a flake! First she said she was coming and now she wants to stay home with you! Well, I can’t do as much for her career as you, so if that is how she is, then fine.” Francesca took offense to that comment. It insulted both Blanca and her because it accuses Blanca of using Francesca and it means Francesca is too dumb to know it. She opted to let it go for the moment because she could see Sofia was upset and probably not going to listen anyway.
Francesca, attempting to diffuse the situation, gently reminded Sofia that she had in fact “changed plans” and that Blanca was simply sticking with the original plan. Translation: “No Sofia, you’re the flake.” Sofia wouldn’t have it. Sofia began insisting that Blanca had flaked on her many times and cited many instances. Francesca had always found Blanca reliable and told Sofia as much. Sofia continued to insist and actually had the nerve to say, “I’m just letting you know so you can be warned about her.”
Francesca is way too smart to get wrapped up in anyone’s manipulations. She saw what was happening. Sofia turned out to be the only one jumping ship on the plans, aka “flaking”, and not wanting to own her guilt, she attempted to deflect it on Blanca. Francesca defended herself and her friend, Blanca, while being respectful to Sofia, mostly out of respect to her husband’s friendship with her. They had known each other since their teenage years. But as the conversation continued, Sofia grew more and more insulting and indignant.
Francesca found a way to end the text conversation politely. Later that night, Blanca came over and Francesca asked if she might review her texts with Sofia. Sofia tends to make plans and talk via text only. It is rare that she actually picks up the phone, a curse of many young people today. None of the instances of Blanca’s so called flaking that Sofia cited had actually occurred. She was flat out lying about Blanca to malign her. This really upset Francesca. “Did I get in a time machine and go back to high school?” she asked while recounting this to me on Skype.
It seems Sofia might have been the one stuck in the high school time warp. She had suddenly turned into one of those high school “mean girls”, you know the ones, the pretty ones who think they rule the school because they are more beautiful and more ruthless than other girls.
Many beautiful women buy into this principal, that they are entitled to more because they so often get more of everything, more attention, more perks, more forgiveness, more tolerance because they are beautiful. If they combine that with cruelty, they can be dangerous. Not all beautiful women are beasts inside, only the insecure ones. They are insecure about their looks, their bodies, their talent, their intelligence and their ability. Most of all, they fear being left alone for the rest of their lives, unloved and uncared for.
Ironically, when they allow their inner beasts to rule their behavior, they create a self fulfilling prophecy.
Francesca opted to just ignore Sofia for a while, but that night, while she and Blanca were watching a movie, Sofia sent a dozen texts about some guy cheating on her, a guy who Francesca had told her was not worth thinking about because he wasn’t showing he was serious about her. Francesca had no patience for this. First Sofia tramples all over her feelings over a stupid club and now she expects Francesca to lend an ear and a shoulder over some guy she went out with twice and broke her heart?
Francesca politely told her that she was sorry that she had been hurt, which I think is big of her, showing concern for Sofia’s feelings when Sofia showed no concern for hers. But she also said, “It’s hard for me to be your shoulder tonight because I’m upset with some of the things you said today. I’d like to talk to you about it face to face because I respect you too much to talk about this over text.”
Sofia responded, “I am not interested in your abuse, now or ever! Happy Holidays!” Translation: Vaffunculo!! Apparently, calling Sofia out on her insensitivity was abusive to her. Che arroganza!
Francesca shocked, tried to keep her cool and responded, “I am sorry this was your choice. I really did want to try to discuss this without any anger or hurt feelings on either side.” She got no response until a couple days later, Sofia wrote out of the blue, “I love you very much.”
Francesca wondered if Sofia was either on drugs, bi-polar or just completely nuts. After behaving like such a stronza, how could she possibly expect Francesca to believe she loves her?! If it was her way of saying I’m sorry, she still needed to own up, at the least to being insulting and hurtful to Francesca, nevermind telling lies to destroy her freindship with Blanca. Just saying “I love you” doesn’t mean “I’m sorry”.
Francesca did not respond for a few days. She finally sent her an email quoting the more offensive comments and asking Sofia why she felt the need to be so hurtful over something as trivial as attending a club with her. She offered her another chance to discuss it, but Sofia never responded. So much for “I love you very much.” Translation: “Saying I love you is easier than admitting I was a stronza, and hopefully you’ll just forget about it so I don’t have to deal with my bad behavior.”
Francesca decided Sofia had ended the friendship rather than deal with how she injured it. Francesca’s husband found Sofia’s behavior so outrageous, he doesn’t want to talk to her anymore.
The beast inside will destroy all beauty. External beauty is temporary, but the beast inside is ugly forever.